I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
