whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
