i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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