I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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