I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
