i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
