Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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