The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
