Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
