I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
