I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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