i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
