I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
