she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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