i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
