She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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