I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
