So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
