i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
