i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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