Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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