I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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