My Higher Power is John Stamos
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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