I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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