One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
