Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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