He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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