I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm just crazy horny about you
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
