He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dicks are not precious.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
