I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
