Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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