I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
