Only a mothe r could love this liver
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
