so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
