My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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