I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
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I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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