I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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