Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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