now i know why i became what i already was.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
