Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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