Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
