I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
