I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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