My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
