So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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