I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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