Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
