dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
