A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Randomize
