I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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