I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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