I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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