Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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