my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
