she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
