'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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