yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
