Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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