Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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