So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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