i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize