yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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