I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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