the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
