would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
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Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
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Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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