I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
