..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
