Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
how drunk are you?
Several
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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