I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
