I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
