Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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