I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
