I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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