Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
