Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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